Well for those of you who didn't know or woke up late today, the clocks went forward...
therefore i went to bed at about one last night... Today was sunday. I didn;t really want to go to church last night or this morning really... For the last few weeks i have not been enjoying the worship... it has made me feel uncomfortable and just not really enjoying the services, and so i was thinking, oh look, it is one in the morning i need to wake up at nine, which means 8hrs of sleep, and then church which i wont really enjoy, why, why go?
But i went, and well guess what, i enjoyed it. The service was absolutely amazing. It was all about Grace. Not the girl... if you know anyone called grace (i know two), but the thing that Paul talks about... Grace is never mentioned in the gospels, not once, and yet it is the way Jesus lived.
He was full of it, everything that He did, was graceful... as in full of grace. The worship was also just really good. It was not making me feel uncomfortable, but helping me to actually worship... funny that huh... :) No really it was really good. We even watched a video clip, and i thought it was going to be something like watching another worship service (which it has been before) but it wasn't, and well it was all about Grace, and i really enjoyed it. Everything about todays service was good. This morning my prayer was to just have a hunger for God... I think that we can live in a lukewarm situation for too long and just pass on through life. I think that this gap year is allowing me to see that when i get too comfortable it is time to pray for Hunger... It works. I have prayed that prayer before, and whatever i have written about prayer before hand and whatever went through my head about prayer, was due to me praying about being hungry for more. God answers prayers. When you stop and think about it, it is crazy, but He does, and it is awesome...
I just wanted to share with you all that i was thinking about today. I wnet to church and i couldn't stop smiling, i couldn't figure out why, and then i realised, it was a God-thing, nothing more, just a really big, cool, amazing, awesome, incredible God-thing. I hope that you experience a God-thing too, no, actually i hope you realise when its a God-thing
Take care
Alex
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Climbing nd more climbing... i love it
Well here are some more pictures. This time they are of my last climbing adventure. I am really pleased with the amount of progress that i have had in the past few weeks with climbing. I can remember the first time that i lead a route. After it i was so pleased and siked, and now when i lead the same level of route as my first one, i don't get the same rush, but find it simple... in a way, and so i a looking to climb more challenging walls... it is a lot of fun, if you have never done it, you need to find someone who can take you... it is great, esp if it is not a competition, or there isn't any pressure on you, but you can jsut go with some friends and have a good time...
I tried to book my training for a climbing award, and i was looking on the events calender to find some room. I found a gap in our schedule and checked with the others if they were able to do it then, which they all could. So i called the place to try and book it and they told me why i had found that gap on the calender... it was Easter weekend... thanks for telling me guys... :)
Oh well i am still looking...
Take care
Alex
I tried to book my training for a climbing award, and i was looking on the events calender to find some room. I found a gap in our schedule and checked with the others if they were able to do it then, which they all could. So i called the place to try and book it and they told me why i had found that gap on the calender... it was Easter weekend... thanks for telling me guys... :)
Oh well i am still looking...
Take care
Alex
Monday, March 19, 2007
Pictures from the Weekend...
The task... building a raft of some sort to paddle on the dock... Against the other team... the blue barrel worriors... i think my team was called something pirates...
The team i was with, was ready to win...
The first barrel pops out of place as soon as it touches the water...
The second barrel a few minutes later...
And well after the third and fourth barrel go, the only thing left was to reach bouy and take it back for my team to touch, before the others go there...
Take care
Alex
The team i was with, was ready to win...
The first barrel pops out of place as soon as it touches the water...
The second barrel a few minutes later...
And well after the third and fourth barrel go, the only thing left was to reach bouy and take it back for my team to touch, before the others go there...
Take care
Alex
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Ok, guys here we go, back to prayer…
After reading document a friend sent me and then finishing off the first part of Philip Yancey’s book called PRAYER, I wanted to share something with you all.
He is talking about the way females just go on about different things, moaning about the weather, the long walks that they were taking (in the scenario in the book) and so on… ritual lamenting. However, then he references it to the bible… now hear me out guys…
“Jeremiah whined, complained and filled an entire book with lamentations. Job, who gave the most irreverent speeches in the Bible, emerges as the hero in the end, the spiritual director for his censured friends… From the Bible’s prayers I learn that God wants us to keep it in the alliance, to come in person with out complaints. If I march through life pretending to smile while inside I bleed, I dishonour the relationship.”
Right, well ok, next question, why is it so hard to do this? Why do we struggle to bring our complaints to God? Or well I guess some people do that very well, and I can do that rather well on occasion as well, however, this evening I had washing up time. We wash up once a week and a bit on the weekends at the house I stay in, and tonight it was my day. There was a lot to do, and I mean a lot… The father of the house said to me, (can’t remember his exact words) ‘oh just tell God to come and sort things through with you, you are gonna be here a while.’ And I joined in and said ‘yeah, I am not going anywhere for about an hr and an half…’ but I found it really hard to even start, no I couldn’t. I couldn’t even just talk.
… also today was prayer morning, and I was praying by myself and someone came and sat next to me and then started to pray out loud. Everyone else was praying around someone… and I thought that I would just stay where I was in my seat and pray for which ever one I wanted to. I prayed once out loud with the person next to me, but I felt really weird. It was really strange and frustrating. I felt really uncomfortable… I just don’t get it…
oh well back to the book…
Take care,
Alex
He is talking about the way females just go on about different things, moaning about the weather, the long walks that they were taking (in the scenario in the book) and so on… ritual lamenting. However, then he references it to the bible… now hear me out guys…
“Jeremiah whined, complained and filled an entire book with lamentations. Job, who gave the most irreverent speeches in the Bible, emerges as the hero in the end, the spiritual director for his censured friends… From the Bible’s prayers I learn that God wants us to keep it in the alliance, to come in person with out complaints. If I march through life pretending to smile while inside I bleed, I dishonour the relationship.”
Right, well ok, next question, why is it so hard to do this? Why do we struggle to bring our complaints to God? Or well I guess some people do that very well, and I can do that rather well on occasion as well, however, this evening I had washing up time. We wash up once a week and a bit on the weekends at the house I stay in, and tonight it was my day. There was a lot to do, and I mean a lot… The father of the house said to me, (can’t remember his exact words) ‘oh just tell God to come and sort things through with you, you are gonna be here a while.’ And I joined in and said ‘yeah, I am not going anywhere for about an hr and an half…’ but I found it really hard to even start, no I couldn’t. I couldn’t even just talk.
… also today was prayer morning, and I was praying by myself and someone came and sat next to me and then started to pray out loud. Everyone else was praying around someone… and I thought that I would just stay where I was in my seat and pray for which ever one I wanted to. I prayed once out loud with the person next to me, but I felt really weird. It was really strange and frustrating. I felt really uncomfortable… I just don’t get it…
oh well back to the book…
Take care,
Alex
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Kayaking...
What an experience. Have you ever been on a river in a boat? Well I have and I must say it is not something that I was able to pick up very easily, in fact I am still rather unsure of what I am fully doing.
On my first river experience I managed to dunk myself three times and get stuck. The nose of my boat was facing straight up and I was pinned to a branch that had decided to invade the path in which I was proceeding to follow.
The first time I went in, well I didn’t really mind it; apart from the fact that I got hit in the head but a rock and then when I decided to just peacefully, defensively swim (which means holding onto my boat and paddle lay flat of my back with my feet up) was struck again by another rock on my tail bone.
The second time I went in, I thought great, what fun, once again. However, this time there was no uncomforting rocks. The reason I had gone in that time was because one of the leaders had told me to come across to the other side of the river. I had tried to explain to him (jokingly) that I preferred the side that I was on. But he didn’t listen. And then once I had fallen in (I would like to add, not on purpose) and managed to get to the shore, which may sound easy, but trust me even after doing it as many times as I have, it doesn’t help having the current pushing you down stream. So I get to shore and look up and find that I was on the side that I was told to come over to, just a little further down stream, but everyone else had decided to go over to the other side. They just couldn’t make their mind up…
However, once I got stuck, I started to get rather frustrated. At first I thought oh this is great, I have done it all, it just can’t get much worse. I was cracking jokes the whole way. I asked for a cup of tea and a donut to pass the time. But when I saw one of the person’s face, who had to come and wade in with another two people to de-stuck me, I started to feel stupid and irritated with myself. I was only holding the group up really…
Right after the place where I had gotten stuck, there was a grade three rapid. (the grading system on rivers goes up to about 5, or at least it is recognised up to grade 5, rivers do get harder…) at first I thought that I would definitely not go down it, but then I thought well there is no way in which I can get stuck and really hold the group up really. Worst comes to worst I go in for a third time, which I did. When I went over, I thought that I would start to get out of the boat, but then realised that I was only halfway down the rapid, so decided to wait until I had gone down into calmer waters, on the way I realised that I was having to hold my breath and that I was running out, so I thought that I had better get out soon. I had forgotten that my boat was a little tight. But I am out and alive… a towline was thrown to me and I was pulled ashore. But I did let go of my paddle; I think more of out frustration that I had gone in yet again, than forgetting to hold on to it.
And Friday I need to brace myself for my second experience…
Take care
Alex
On my first river experience I managed to dunk myself three times and get stuck. The nose of my boat was facing straight up and I was pinned to a branch that had decided to invade the path in which I was proceeding to follow.
The first time I went in, well I didn’t really mind it; apart from the fact that I got hit in the head but a rock and then when I decided to just peacefully, defensively swim (which means holding onto my boat and paddle lay flat of my back with my feet up) was struck again by another rock on my tail bone.
The second time I went in, I thought great, what fun, once again. However, this time there was no uncomforting rocks. The reason I had gone in that time was because one of the leaders had told me to come across to the other side of the river. I had tried to explain to him (jokingly) that I preferred the side that I was on. But he didn’t listen. And then once I had fallen in (I would like to add, not on purpose) and managed to get to the shore, which may sound easy, but trust me even after doing it as many times as I have, it doesn’t help having the current pushing you down stream. So I get to shore and look up and find that I was on the side that I was told to come over to, just a little further down stream, but everyone else had decided to go over to the other side. They just couldn’t make their mind up…
However, once I got stuck, I started to get rather frustrated. At first I thought oh this is great, I have done it all, it just can’t get much worse. I was cracking jokes the whole way. I asked for a cup of tea and a donut to pass the time. But when I saw one of the person’s face, who had to come and wade in with another two people to de-stuck me, I started to feel stupid and irritated with myself. I was only holding the group up really…
Right after the place where I had gotten stuck, there was a grade three rapid. (the grading system on rivers goes up to about 5, or at least it is recognised up to grade 5, rivers do get harder…) at first I thought that I would definitely not go down it, but then I thought well there is no way in which I can get stuck and really hold the group up really. Worst comes to worst I go in for a third time, which I did. When I went over, I thought that I would start to get out of the boat, but then realised that I was only halfway down the rapid, so decided to wait until I had gone down into calmer waters, on the way I realised that I was having to hold my breath and that I was running out, so I thought that I had better get out soon. I had forgotten that my boat was a little tight. But I am out and alive… a towline was thrown to me and I was pulled ashore. But I did let go of my paddle; I think more of out frustration that I had gone in yet again, than forgetting to hold on to it.
And Friday I need to brace myself for my second experience…
Take care
Alex
More on Prayer...
Following up from my previous post on Prayer, Things have been
interesting, for example, i feel that i don't know how to pray and
this frustrates me. More so, i feel uncomfortable during prayer
meetings. Every thursday there is a prayer meeting, and this thursday i
did not feel as though i could stay through it, so i went to the
bathroom and did not return to it.
I would love to say that this was the extent of my prayer struggle,
unfortunately i haven’t really been having great prayer times on my
own either...
Right ok, this next part may seem to be a really big leap from what i
just said, but i am not too sure how to link them together, and in
my mind they lead on from each other. During this period of my prayer
struggle, i have been thinking what it means to be lukewarm. Also i
was thinking about me just not praying ‘properly’, and what effect that
had on my relationship with God.
Though this doesn't make me a bad person (well, in some ways perhaps it
does?),
but what i'm trying to say is that even non-Christians, and Christians who
have fallen away, or who are less committed can still be ‘good’ people.
I am NOT thinking
about giving up my faith, no not at all, i want to go deeper,
but prayer is such a big part of it and at the moment i am going
through a desert.
Another factor that has been influencing me over the past couple of
weeks is the thought: 'what puts someone off going to church?' 'why do
people get hurt by the church and how?' I am currently living with someone
who has
decided to turn away from his faith, and i want to understand why that is. I
also want to
know why people who are not Christians decide to become Christian...
What is
it that makes someone go one way or another...
The other day i found it. I was not really feeling up to being at
church and i was ready to walk out apart form the fact that it was
pouring with rain. We were having communion and i thought that it would be
wrong for me
to go up at that point, so i tried to find what it said
about communion in the Bible. Unfortunately i didn't find it, but i
did read Matt 26 (the middle of it) and at the moment i was intrigued
by Jesus. I realised what frustrated me so much, not in just church but
just in general with Christian communities. There seems to be a
‘fakeness’ to them. That’s what really gets to me.
Sometimes i really
feel ashamed to say that i am a Christian, because it has put so many
people off, and i can see it for myself right now. It is the fakeness
of the people. Please understand i am not pointing the finger at
anybody or any group specifically. But as i read the bible in church
on Sunday, i saw that Jesus was real with His disciples. That He was
kind, calm, knew what He was here for and followed the Fathers
wishes...
I don’t want to be fake... i want to get to know this Jesus that i
read about in the Bible. Who is real. I really just can't stand the
fakeness and what we, Christians, have made Christianity into. Not every
Christian is fake, hear me on the one loud and clear, but people have
been hurt through the fakeness of certain people within the Christian
community and therefore have labelled it that way...
By fake/fakeness I mean when people put up an image, and when they think that they know best for the group, or even when they just think that they know best and that they are better than people who don’t believe exactly the same thing as them. However, it also means something else, and I am trying to explain it, but I am having a bit of trouble, I guess it is the imperfectness that we, as imperfect beings have brought into Christianity. Sometimes you can just say no, this is not what Jesus would have done. I want to be able to do that, but then to go and do what Jesus would have done… Does this make sense?
Take care
Alex
interesting, for example, i feel that i don't know how to pray and
this frustrates me. More so, i feel uncomfortable during prayer
meetings. Every thursday there is a prayer meeting, and this thursday i
did not feel as though i could stay through it, so i went to the
bathroom and did not return to it.
I would love to say that this was the extent of my prayer struggle,
unfortunately i haven’t really been having great prayer times on my
own either...
Right ok, this next part may seem to be a really big leap from what i
just said, but i am not too sure how to link them together, and in
my mind they lead on from each other. During this period of my prayer
struggle, i have been thinking what it means to be lukewarm. Also i
was thinking about me just not praying ‘properly’, and what effect that
had on my relationship with God.
Though this doesn't make me a bad person (well, in some ways perhaps it
does?),
but what i'm trying to say is that even non-Christians, and Christians who
have fallen away, or who are less committed can still be ‘good’ people.
I am NOT thinking
about giving up my faith, no not at all, i want to go deeper,
but prayer is such a big part of it and at the moment i am going
through a desert.
Another factor that has been influencing me over the past couple of
weeks is the thought: 'what puts someone off going to church?' 'why do
people get hurt by the church and how?' I am currently living with someone
who has
decided to turn away from his faith, and i want to understand why that is. I
also want to
know why people who are not Christians decide to become Christian...
What is
it that makes someone go one way or another...
The other day i found it. I was not really feeling up to being at
church and i was ready to walk out apart form the fact that it was
pouring with rain. We were having communion and i thought that it would be
wrong for me
to go up at that point, so i tried to find what it said
about communion in the Bible. Unfortunately i didn't find it, but i
did read Matt 26 (the middle of it) and at the moment i was intrigued
by Jesus. I realised what frustrated me so much, not in just church but
just in general with Christian communities. There seems to be a
‘fakeness’ to them. That’s what really gets to me.
Sometimes i really
feel ashamed to say that i am a Christian, because it has put so many
people off, and i can see it for myself right now. It is the fakeness
of the people. Please understand i am not pointing the finger at
anybody or any group specifically. But as i read the bible in church
on Sunday, i saw that Jesus was real with His disciples. That He was
kind, calm, knew what He was here for and followed the Fathers
wishes...
I don’t want to be fake... i want to get to know this Jesus that i
read about in the Bible. Who is real. I really just can't stand the
fakeness and what we, Christians, have made Christianity into. Not every
Christian is fake, hear me on the one loud and clear, but people have
been hurt through the fakeness of certain people within the Christian
community and therefore have labelled it that way...
By fake/fakeness I mean when people put up an image, and when they think that they know best for the group, or even when they just think that they know best and that they are better than people who don’t believe exactly the same thing as them. However, it also means something else, and I am trying to explain it, but I am having a bit of trouble, I guess it is the imperfectness that we, as imperfect beings have brought into Christianity. Sometimes you can just say no, this is not what Jesus would have done. I want to be able to do that, but then to go and do what Jesus would have done… Does this make sense?
Take care
Alex
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